Open Letter To American Idiots

Dear (United States of) American Idiot,

The next time you find yourself speeding down a public highway that was built for and maintained by everyone's tax dollars, and you find that something has obstructed your gas pedal in the lets-go-faster mode, follow these simple guidelines:

1. Stay calm; Do not dial 911 on your cellphone to call it in.
2. Avoid zooming to a fireball death at mach 0.25 with your kids in the back screaming - not because they're about to die but because this is way funner than playing Disney's Dance Dance Revolution Groove - by gingerly putting the transmission into neutral.
3. Slow to a safe stop and turn the engine off.

I can just hear you now: "It's about time they apologize for making them damn jap cars that could kill my overweight family. Damn foreigners can't do anything right. I think it's Obama's fault."

"Toyota has not recalled any cars in Japan, where it uses different suppliers."

If you live in the USA and drive a Toyota, it was most likely built in the USA by USA workers. So thank your big, dumb, not-my-job card-carrying cousin for your omg-the-floor-mat-has-slid-under-the-gas-pedal-and-I-cant-slow-down woes.

Yours in Christ,
The Chief

p.s. This is a picture of you running late because you had to finish level 8 of Disney's Dance Dance Revolution Groove and are about to jump into your death-trap of a Corolla on your way to your weekly Erection Management Class: