Chicken Soup for Porn Stars

CHAPTER ONE

Daddy did love you. I mean, not the way he did love you. I mean in a loving, fatherly way. The way only a father can love his daughter. No, wait. I mean, in a clean, wholesome, spiritual way. Nothing dirty or nasty about it. Strike the thought from your mind.

CHAPTER TWO

You are worth every last dollar you earned on the mean streets of the concrete jungle. Forget what Pimp Daddy said. I mean the mean things. The nice things he said to trick you into loving and trusting him like a father, remember. But not in a misleading, dishonest way. Think encouraging. And forget the comparison to your father. We've already covered that sore subject. Not that it's bad to talk about, but we all know that you have the attention span of a, well, porn star. But in a good way.

CHAPTER THREE

When those strong men (or beautiful women) do scenes with you, they are making love to you. Not just going through the pre-defined sequence of poses and shots that the director made up right before filming. They truely love you. Everyone loves you because everyone loves a winner. And you are a winner. And a fine, fine lover.

CHAPTER FOUR

When you grow old(er), you will become wiser and be surrounded by people who love you not just for the money you've told them you've saved up (because we really know that you haven't saved a thin dime - but that's okay because, hey, when was the last time you saw a hearse with a luggage rack on it, you know?). They also love you because you are so wise and good in bed. Practice makes perfect. Your Daddy would be so proud of you, if he were alive. He's in heaven, really.