In Ancient Times

In ancient times, back before bras, back before the night was a dark and mysterious place of danger, back before fire was a mysterious, uncontrollable force, back before thunder was the sound of god's bowling, back before man understood that children weren't just little adult people, back before mastery of the seas meant power and riches, back before death was something to be photographed, back before FTP, back before telnet, back before people dressed for survival instead of fashion, back before women were inferior and considered property, back before meat was cooked, back before the moon was made of cheese, back before there was a moon, back before the Red Socks weren't world champions, back before America was ruled by savages, back before water came in only two flavors: hot and cold, back before witches were real and out to get you, back before the sword was advanced technology, back before marriage to a fourteen year old was legal and encouraged, back before only the strong survived, back before dignitaries wore white wigs to signify power and privilege, back before the world was round, back before B.C. existed, back before the wall of china was necessary, back before Pangea, back before Gondwanaland, back before there was a north or south or east or west, back before tampons, back before batteries, back before written language, back before spoken language, back before breathable air, back before copulation, back before the vermiform appendix had a function, back before wisdom teeth were necessary, back before the brain was considered a useful organ, there certainly weren't Barely Legal magazines.

I bet that sucked.