This Just In...
Last night, apparently while out partying at dance clubs in an attempt to attract a potential mate, a prepubescent seal began to suffocate while dancing excessively, lost consciousness and fell, striking his head. He later died at near-by coat factory of head trauma.
Police Sgt. Nanook reported the inexperienced youth had apparently been wearing a condom over his actual head, apparently mistaking the slang term for penis literally. "A darn tootin' shame, it is. A fine coat he had, he did."
"He was just a young pup," an interested calf of massive girth said. "But he was fooling himself wearing a condom like that. He wasn't all that bulky or appealing, you know? I mean, I'm not trying to bash him or anything. He was good at providing food and stuff, but those are the hard knocks of life."
Police lectured other white-coated youths at the scene in an attempt to cull the rash of under-aged mating this season. "Sometimes, you want to beat these kids over the head with it."
In an unrelated story...
Seal, the pop singer/avid pelt hunter has wed German model Heidi Klum.
"I like to hit the ones with white skin from behind," said the British singer when asked about their weekend excursion to Canada with his new bride.
Ms. Klum was quoted in her native German tongue as having said, "Nach dem spektakulären Heiratsantrag auf einem kanadischen Gletscher an Weihnachten 2004 ist das Glück der beiden jetzt perfekt."
We are told the translation is, "Once you go black, you never go back" apparently referring to her love of German dark chocolate.
2 comments:
i'm told that once you lay your lips on scarred cock it's all...yeah, baby, yeah.
chief: you're cool. seriously, i think you're really tough.
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