Dragons have been hunted to extinction in the USA, Not so Elsewhere

Offshore means Indian. And not the ones with colorful feathers that can easily be conquered because they have no navy, but rather the ones with colorful flowing dress-things that make them feel all giddy and reproductive. I don't know if he's technically Indian, but his dancing is hella universal. Check it out.



Furthermore, offshore also means 'not on this land.' Apparently, the rest of the world outside of the USA survives on floating debris, much like they done in Waterworld. Actually, that's a myth. I know from surfing the innernets that outside of the USA be dragons, grass huts, and savages painted head-to-toe in role-playing colors. Behold:


  

Apparently Red indicates expendable warrior, much like they done in Star Trek. Then there's Yellow. Yellow I'm guessing means command, like they done in Star Trek. And Black obviously stands for nagging wife, like they done in Star Trek (episode 65, n00bs).



I bet she's a black back-seat hunter, all "Higher, point higher. To the left a bit. Down...more. Squint harder. Harder." Just like that, only in their native non-American language: "Click click. Whistle click. Whistle whistle click click." Quick Question: What scientist thought it a good idea to buzz these trekkie cavemen with a helicopter? So much for the prime directive. Star Fleet Academy would NOT approve. Pets are also not Star Fleet approved:



Had it been up to me, I would have stealth-landed a glider nearby just like Snake Plissken and infiltrated them posing as a witch doctor (full body painted in blue, of course) and I would be all, "Sup, bitches...I mean, click clack to the beep bop. Zip zap rap?" And when they'd look up from their cannibal dinner all surprised at my unusually good pronunciation, I'd snap their mugs with my cellphone cam all sneaky and shit-like. Then I'd call in a heli-evac, just like Dutch in Predator. But not before I used my superior knowledge of science and math to wow the local hotties and get me some tribal strange, yo.



My original plan was to have NASA launch a Mars rover into one of their huts and have it slowly roll out through the burning debris surrounded by whirling smoke with all of its lasers and buzz-saws and cameras swinging around and have it continuously broadcast "Bedebedebede" as it approached them like a Terminator. The problem with this plan is the recent news that all those damn monkeys living in the nearby trees would most certainly take control of the rover with their mind control abilities and surely begin their world domination. Eff that.