Monday, January 18, 2010

Thank God I'm Rich Like You

This past Saturday, I sat down to enjoy a delicious serving of noodles with hamburger meat. When all of a sudden, it was as if I had bitten into rock candy. After spitting out everything I had in my mouth, it became painfully obvious that I had cracked one of my molars by biting into what I can only guess was a stray piece of bovine bone. What was left of my tooth had been shaped into a jagged, sharp protrusion that would scrape my tongue all that night.

Sunday I called my dentist's answering machine and requested they see me as soon as possible on Monday. By now, the sensitivity of my molar was in full bloom and it became nearly impossible to eat or drink anything. Plus the scraping of my tongue was unbearable, so I found a piece of gum and molded it into the literal cavity. I spent the day with that lovable piece of gum in my mouth and ended up sleeping with it tucked into place.

Monday at 4:00pm was the earliest they could see me. This was a bit disconcerting but I figured it was a busy Monday for everyone. They gave me a temporary filling with the great news: I'd have to get my first crown. Yay. So while still in the dentist's chair, I asked all the good patient questions.

"What exactly will be done?" "How long will it take?" "Is there no other alternative?" and of course "How much will it cost?"

"Stay in the chair while I go find out," she said with a chuckle, as if to say "You'll want to be sitting down when you hear this bad news."

Six hundred and twenty dollars. Insurance pays half. My appointment is for Thursday.

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'll do it for free

Anonymous said...

how much is it to get a new dentist who answers his phones? that's probly a lot extra. I'll check with mine.

About Me, Not You

I was christened Wannahockaloogy by our tribal leader. He was a bitter old man with throat cancer who believed that, to truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul. His weakened, delirious state made it easy for me to overthrow him and seize control. Now, I am the chief and I have internet access. Beware, delirious smoking populace. Beware.