1. A bigger butt.
A woman died from apparent complications of liposuction and a buttocks enhancement procedure.
2. Fireworks.
A man died when the hand grenade he was trying to open with a chainsaw to retrieve the gun powder with which to make fireworks exploded.
3. A cell phone.
A man drowned in about a foot of water after becoming trapped head-first in a sewer while attempting to retrieve his cell phone.
4. Starcraft.
A man collapsed and died after spending 50 hours online playing Starcraft.
5. Bigger boobs.*
A woman died after her sixth breast enlargement operation to go from a 34F to a 34G.
*Included only to pander to my female reader(s) because as my male reader(s) know, anything smaller than 36DD is a waste of time and money but not effort.
Here's a completely unrelated picture for you to discuss amongst yourselves:
Monday, January 24, 2011
Five Things Not Worth Dying For
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About Me, Not You
- The Chief
- I was christened Wannahockaloogy by our tribal leader. He was a bitter old man with throat cancer who believed that, to truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul. His weakened, delirious state made it easy for me to overthrow him and seize control. Now, I am the chief and I have internet access. Beware, delirious smoking populace. Beware.
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